I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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