All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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