He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
