Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!