Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.

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  (734): I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success. http://tfl.nu/p2jc
  Replies (8) Good night (2259) Bad night (570)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.

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  (703): She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything. http://tfl.nu/cutc
  Replies (18) Good night (1059) Bad night (3446)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.

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  (360): Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down. http://tfl.nu/bwrh
  Replies (17) Good night (6739) Bad night (877)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.

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  (630): my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out. http://tfl.nu/fs1q
  Replies (15) Good night (1271) Bad night (4744)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.

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  (775): I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps. http://tfl.nu/bl0l
  Replies (24) Good night (755) Bad night (5579)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"

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  (903): I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk" http://tfl.nu/2chc
  Replies (5) Good night (785) Bad night (2237)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.

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  (716): I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here. http://tfl.nu/pkc7
  Replies (9) Good night (2375) Bad night (1663)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.

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  (918): He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it. http://tfl.nu/hmj1
  Replies (6) Good night (650) Bad night (1941)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.

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  (610): I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird. http://tfl.nu/yqaf
  Replies (19) Good night (2450) Bad night (589)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation

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  (860): When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation http://tfl.nu/q5aa
  Replies (5) Good night (890) Bad night (420)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.

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  (703): we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome. http://tfl.nu/tn3b
  Replies (4) Good night (718) Bad night (429)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.

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  (512): Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back. http://tfl.nu/xf8c
  Replies (5) Good night (1006) Bad night (499)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished

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  (630): Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished http://tfl.nu/r8cu
  Replies (14) Good night (1555) Bad night (567)
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  (212): View more from New York

  LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.

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  (212): LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen. http://tfl.nu/na6f
  Replies (5) Good night (1320) Bad night (372)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.

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  (405): Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking. http://tfl.nu/sqkf
  Replies (28) Good night (661) Bad night (388)

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