ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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