you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
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So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part