Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around

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  (814): I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around http://tfl.nu/xsf6
  Replies (13) Good night (1248) Bad night (2319)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"

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  (414): He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly" http://tfl.nu/s1qp
  Replies (41) Good night (842) Bad night (4958)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?

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  (978): one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket? http://tfl.nu/emia
  Replies (10) Good night (3949) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.

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  (571): i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me. http://tfl.nu/qg7x
  Replies (58) Good night (5559) Bad night (1072)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.

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  (423): I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4. http://tfl.nu/p8en
  Replies (32) Good night (698) Bad night (5876)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?

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  (250): is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste? http://tfl.nu/l5cc
  Replies (35) Good night (5062) Bad night (2291)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  our generation is not ready to get married

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  (314): Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"? (636): our generation is not ready to get married http://tfl.nu/klk9
  Replies (49) Good night (6946) Bad night (2598)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.

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  (502): one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why. http://tfl.nu/9zaj
  Replies (12) Good night (5210) Bad night (1295)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney

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  (224): you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney http://tfl.nu/cyaf
  Replies (3) Good night (3694) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.

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  (863): Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter. http://tfl.nu/u1po
  Replies (8) Good night (1048) Bad night (1397)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Im calling him

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember

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  (606): Im calling him (606): was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember http://tfl.nu/dfbx
  Replies (1) Good night (1106) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions

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  (912): Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions http://tfl.nu/6v32
  Replies (3) Good night (1583) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.

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  (740): I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper. http://tfl.nu/p7ov
  Replies (4) Good night (1354) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man

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  (832): Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man http://tfl.nu/dtih
  Replies (7) Good night (603) Bad night (1189)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!

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  (562): Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?! http://tfl.nu/ufe7
  Replies (6) Good night (384) Bad night (611)

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