smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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