So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.