I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.