Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.