the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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