she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
