I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
