I just cut my nipple shaving
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
