I'm gonna have a badass scar
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
