somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
