The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Randomize
