So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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