Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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