I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
His nipple licking is glorious
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