I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
