she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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