im having a threesome with these popsicles
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
