The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
