It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
