she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
