I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We need to rekindle our bromance
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
