This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
