I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
