you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
