You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize