you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
