Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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