i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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