Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
