East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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