If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
