I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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