i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
