Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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