I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
