shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
