I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
