My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
