Life is so much better after having sex.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
me + whiskey = a bad person
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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