I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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