i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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