so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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