I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.