i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.