Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.