remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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