Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
