fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
