ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
