I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize