I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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