I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
