i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
