Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
