I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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