Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
