so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
