The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
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I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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